-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY I FAIL -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My strategy of doing things for most of my life has been spazzing out things in a state of panic, hoping for the bare minimum action that will help deal with whatever task I was meant to complete. I really cannot blame social media since I was this way long before I was doing too much computer stuff. There was always a fear in me of taking a leap of faith, of learning something new or trying different things. Definitely worsened when I got my hands on the infinite dopamine machine. Another aspect is my intense dislike in 'relying' on someone else to help me out in the almost guaranteed chance I fuck up something. Instead I go through all means to hide my incompetence, delaying, pushing things away, procrastinating since it is too painful to see my failure. Couple this with a lack of Concientousness and I am desperate for wins but never doing anything hard to potentially get them. The main attribute of mine that I should change is that feeling of " The world is a harsh place, better to do only the things you know will succeed". Punishment doesn't work on me since I either permanently move away or just accept my fate with a numb soul. There is no progress. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STRATAGEMS FOR IMPROVING MY CHANCES -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You should read Fernando Boretti's excellent blog: https://borretti.me/article/notes-on-managing-adhd Note he is far far more intelligent and accomplished than me so please take his advice as the golden path. I have a few constraints: 1. NO Drugs (Maybe coffee and tea are an exception) I am a fiend and I know for a fact that if I take anything, I use it too much. I don't even take paracetamol for toothaches and other stuff. My very selfish thinking is as follows: If my nerves cannot withstand the pressures of modern lifestyles, My offline prep can be made better, I don't actually need to keep up with the Joneses. My creative spark is when I read and write at my natural pace. 2. NO shrinks If my preparation requires the availability of another person, It is not stable, and I become dependent on the other. This is of course hypocritical since most of 'my' ideas have been gleaned off of others' experiences, but hey, if there is no one to boast to, the matter may solve itself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is this 'Offline Preparation' that I talk about? Probably one of the only things that I love is when I have a technique that converts a <80% chance of success into a 100% chance of success. As close to cheating my own will as I can without breaking the rules. This can ofcourse be performed by long term training and planning. > I have only been successful at Offline Preparation a day ahead. My rare success in offline prep has had the following attributes: - Large amount of gain (reduction in panic) - Either super creative or a stupidly simple drill - Potential combos This just means I combine the stupidly simple drills into combinations There maybe some creativity in the sequencing. My main limitation is that these combo chains are at max 10. The most most most crucial aspect is seeing the bag... - Habit development initially stifled by my utter contempt for importance of future events - Using the panic of having an event tomorrow, 3 months ahead doesn't work The 'final burst of energy before i RIP' state is hard to maintain. Deliberate practice has a much slower, easy-going pace that I don't like. - As a proxy, I must drill a meta-habit of going over my potential fate early in the morning. - Stupidly simple, just write a todo list, maybe on the shitter, dont take too long. - Read it when I wake up in a panic early at dawn, heart beating, fearing for what fate holds -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PRACTICAL MEANS OF MANAGING ATTENTION -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Social media is horrible, yet somewhat necessary if you want to "keep up with ze Joneses" As others say, one must be prudent in when and how one becomes a consumer. - I should limit it to at most once before noon, after I have completed a significant part of what I needed to do. (Learnt this from a 先輩 who finishes half his work 4:30 AM - 9:30 AM) - A set of rituals to prepare myself to filter out things. - Drink a cup of water, get a notebook ready to jot down what one needs from a hellsite. - After about an hour and half, ring a bell, say goodbyes on the DMs and close the site. Physical exercise for me is fun, maybe too fun. - I should dial in the right amount of exhaustion. - Avoid injuries (or atleast get em on Friday so that I can sleep through the weekend) - Afternoons are the perfect time, especially if I can early-bird most of my work. Deliberate practice: - A diary in the mind. - helps with objectively tracking what I did on a day. - 1 hour before sleep time. - Skills that are super important but I aint good at - Arithmetic - Short term memorization - Typing - Soldering - 'Puzzle Creativity' Creativity imo is all about trying to recall and visualize parts of a problem you haven't thought about before. - Programming in $CURRENT_LANG - Breathing (w rizz) Believe it or not, I am such a dumbfuck that I need to remind myself to breathe normally ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ KRAFT UND FURY ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ All my injuries are due to me just ragelifting without proper form Definitely the most useless trait I have. A 'cool rage' is much better, I find my senses sharper, My actions more deliberate and efficient. The creativity part however is missing, This state of mind is only to be used in dire straits. Drills help a ton in broadening one's capabilities in this state. I suppose useful once a week, primarily at the worst tasks that I have no hope of completing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ TRAVEL AND MEETINGS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I need about a day of preparation to meet someone non-casually. Mostly because it is very rare and I need to get my brain ready. Travel is another pain, although I do get used to it. I should figure out how to conserve my energy during travels, just keeping an eye out. As always the panacea is prep, Having a bug out bag, all your docs organized will ensure you cann get going as quickly as possible. Digital hygiene helps get hold of good travel options. Keep a set of regular sites to book at, maybe have someone on the inside help. 3 sets of clothes, work wear, regular office rotation, important meetings. Iron each a week/2 weeks ahead. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ DIGITAL HYGIENE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Probably the most important part. I spend 50% of my existance in front of a screen. > Lock down on all socials + youtube etc > Locking in music is all Game OSTs > Text interfaces are way more conducive to deep thought and programming. > Except when writing mathematics and diagrams, but I prefer to keep it offline. > Maybe with enough practice I can raw LaTeX and Tikz, but for now hybrid. > Less APM, more powerful effect per action is also my preferred pace of work. > Automating backups, saves and some logging saves me a bit of time. > Long form text is the best way to prepare for long stretches of work. > Reading inspires writing and vice versa > A small portable config that can be used everywhere on almost every platform > Native terminals and text editors > A portable python installation > Most of my work should either be completely my own shitty system or rely entirely on the coreutils > A discipline of profiling and understanding how my system is currently performing > Memory watching, load time metrics, hardware util > Periodically perform a causal profile of different tools I write or use. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ READING PAPERS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I find it particularly fruitful to take notes actively as I read a paper. References and understanding them is pretty cool. I should write down and derive equations atleast once. Programs and algorithms also benefit from having been written once, memory. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ AUF WIEDERSEHEN ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ################################################################################## ################################################################################## ################################################################################## #######################.+######################################################### #######################...######################################################## ######################-.....###################################################### ######################.......##################################################### #######################-.......############################+---################### ######################+.........########################....-####-################ ########################-.........####################+..-.----###+############### #########################.........-########+########+.-.......-###--############## #########################........-.-#+#############-++...-..-+####--############## ##########################.........-++##+#######+--#+#-#-..-#######.############## ########################+-.....------##.######++#+#####+--+-###################### ########################-....-----+-++-##+#+#####+##+#######.-#################### #####++--+#+++-+++######------+---+.+##+#####+######+##+########################## ####+-++-------##-++#+#----.----+---##+++###+#+################################### ---+-.-----.-..------.----...-.--.+-++#+++#####+################################## ##--...-++#+-.-.-------#+#-..-.-.-+-####-#####-################################### #---..----------------..-..++.#-..-+-+##-+######################################## --.....---------+-----..-..#+####..+-+--++#-####----############################## .......---#++###+---.....--.###------+#######.####-###-+########################## ...-----##---------.......--...-#..---############.-.-############################ .--++--+#+--+#++--........--...--..---+#-#########..-+############################ --+#----+---------.....-....-----------######....---##################+++++++##### ###+-----...------...-..........----+#+##+##-#+++##+#####################++++++### #+---..-....+--+---.............---+#########--################################### +---...--..------+--.--...........-######+####+-################################## --.....---+-.-----...---.-.......--##...-##+###################################### ......--+--..--.....-..----.............-+###########+############################ .....-#+--.-##+-...---.--++#+..-..........-++++################################### -....+------##+.......--.---.-----......--.#+##################################### -.--++#+............+##-..--..-###+----++######################################### -##+#+-.............-###+-..-...+###---#####+##################################### #-+++--..##---####+....####-......-+###+##++-+#################################### -++----+##---#######-...-+##+--...--#####-##--+################################### ++----+#+-.-###-......--#####+.......+####################---##################### ---##.......-#-.......#####-.+..-..-..-+++################+-###################### ..+##.-++-..-.-+-....-####+....-----#####################++#+##################### ---+#+###+...-###-...-###+....-#+.----+####################-###################### +++-++-+++-+--##+....+###-....+##-.-.--########################################### -------+#+-+#######++#####-...##--...--###########################--############## -#-++#+#####+#####++######+-...-#+---##########################++################# #####++++#########+####################-+#########################################